Yield Signs - Part 2

Large snowflakes floated sleepily outside the library window as I wrote away in a new journal.  Each page captured memories and ideas in ink as I reminisced on the previous four years and dreamed about the future.  My bachelor's program had stretched into a fifth year as I combined degrees in geology and Slavic studies.  My college experience had been marvelous, and I had loved every bit, that was until the spring of 2001.  An upper level math course and a graduate level geology course pushed me to the brink of my capabilities, and though I exerted a commendable effort in both, I barely scraped by with two passing grades.  Thankfully, the following semester offered a reprieve.  As part of the Slavic studies degree I was now attending a university in Voronezh, Russia through an exchange program.

Christmas break found me visiting friends in Berlin, and I spent a couple days of my vacation asking Abba about His plans for me for the next year.  Well, asking wouldn't be exactly the right word.  I was actually telling the Lord what I planned to do following graduation in May.  I intended to attend a missions training school with my church, and then go... um... somewhere.  Probably somewhere in the former Soviet Union.  I wanted to join Lifewater, a water relief group and apply my two degrees simultaneously, helping villages obtain a safe drinking water source while sharing the good news of Jesus and starting churches across the Central Asian steppe.  I was ready!  It was time!  I was burnt out with school and had waited 'long enough'.  And my little, weary soul wished to discuss no alternatives.

The Lord's beautiful, familiar voice sounded crest-fallen as He responded to my declaration.  He didn't tell me 'no', I suppose because I wasn't looking for His permission to embark on this adventure.  Instead, He simply shared with me some of the wonderful things and some of the harder things that lay ahead of me on the road I was choosing.  That is, choosing without Him.  Since the early days when I had first learned to hear God's voice, I had grown accustomed to running all of my plans by Him.  I never purposefully avoided asking the Lord what He wanted me to do, especially when it came to important life decisions.  Now I discovered what happened in our relationship when I cut Him out of the decision making process.  I broke His heart.

My worn out soul flinched, but then regrouped and grew harder.  I didn't care what He had to say about it or how He felt.  I already had an idea of what Abba really wanted for me, and it was the last thing I wanted to consider.  So I dug in my heels and intended not to budge.

Returning to the States in January I eventually found myself in conversation with my hydrogeology professor, Dr. Joe Yelderman.  We were discussing my plans following graduation.  I shared with Dr. Joe how I hoped to join a water relief organization as a missionary.  This particular professor is a true lover of Jesus and was immediately supportive of my direction.  He shared with me that two of his former students had gone overseas to do the same type of work, supplying villages with safe drinking water.  Then the question I had been internally dodging was posed.  Had I considered obtaining a master's degree in hydrogeology?  Both of these former students discovered that effectively helping people obtain access to clean water meant they needed more of a knowledge base than they had obtained in their bachelor courses.  I cringed inside. 

Politely I replied that I had not yet considered this path and that I hoped to get to the mission field within the next year or two.  Dr. Joe then wisely advised me to contact the organization that I wished to join to ask them what kind of course work I would need to best help them, and concluded by encouraging me to pray about it before making any decisions.

Ugh.  I had purposefully been avoiding praying about this subject.  But Dr. Yelderman's words rang with wisdom.  What could it hurt to contact Lifewater and ask them if my current course work gave me enough background to help them with their mission overseas?

The next day I sent an email to Lifewater International.  Lifewater specializes in training teams in developing nations how to provide clean water for villages coupled with training in hygiene and sanitation.  Proudly, I listed out geology course work that I thought applicable and shared with them my heart to join their work.  The very next day I had received a reply.  They were thankful for my interest: did I know how to choose a location for a well to be drilled?  If not, would I please consider continuing with my studies and obtaining a master's degree?

Wow.  Nope.  I had no idea how to set a well.  I actually had never drilled one before.  My arrogance and pride dissolved with the realization that I really didn't know all that much, even after 5 years of college.

"Abba, I guess I'm ready to talk about grad school.  I am sorry I have refused to talk with You about it up till now."

Oh, our God is so good!  He truly is kind, compassionate and quick to forgive!  Suddenly the Lord was washing me with the truth that He wanted to help me get through grad school and that He would teach me wonderful things during my master's program.  He was excited for me!  It wasn't going to be as hard as the previous year.  And I was actually going to enjoy it!

Truly, my three years of graduate studies far surpassed my undergraduate experience!  And God used the time to also draw me into the sweetest season I had experienced with Him up to that point.

The eight years God had spoken to me about so clearly freshman year turned out to be eight years of school to the month!  My dreams, though resting on God’s shelf that whole time, had grown into a beautiful future filled with more possibilities than I could have imagined coming into Baylor.  And my relationship with the Lord was far deeper and sweeter than when I had begun. 

Would He now send me to the nations? Or did He have another plan in mind?  Either way, the lesson had been learned and my soul knew that it could rest secure in the truth: His ways are so good and obedience is always worth it!