Large snowflakes floated sleepily outside the library window
as I wrote away in a new journal. Each
page captured memories and ideas in ink as I reminisced on the previous four
years and dreamed about the future. My
bachelor's program had stretched into a fifth year as I combined degrees in
geology and Slavic studies. My college
experience had been marvelous, and I had loved every bit, that was until the
spring of 2001. An upper level math
course and a graduate level geology course pushed me to the brink of my
capabilities, and though I exerted a commendable effort in both, I barely
scraped by with two passing grades.
Thankfully, the following semester offered a reprieve. As part of the Slavic studies degree I was
now attending a university in Voronezh, Russia through an exchange program.
Christmas break found me visiting friends in Berlin, and I
spent a couple days of my vacation asking Abba about His plans for me for the
next year. Well, asking wouldn't be
exactly the right word. I was actually
telling the Lord what I planned to do following graduation in May. I intended to attend a missions training
school with my church, and then go... um... somewhere. Probably somewhere in the former Soviet
Union. I wanted to join Lifewater, a
water relief group and apply my two degrees simultaneously, helping villages
obtain a safe drinking water source while sharing the good news of Jesus and
starting churches across the Central Asian steppe. I was ready!
It was time! I was burnt out with
school and had waited 'long enough'. And
my little, weary soul wished to discuss no alternatives.
The Lord's beautiful, familiar voice sounded crest-fallen as
He responded to my declaration. He
didn't tell me 'no', I suppose because I wasn't looking for His permission to
embark on this adventure. Instead, He
simply shared with me some of the wonderful things and some of the harder
things that lay ahead of me on the road I was choosing. That is, choosing without Him. Since the early days when I had first learned
to hear God's voice, I had grown accustomed to running all of my plans by
Him. I never purposefully avoided asking
the Lord what He wanted me to do, especially when it came to important life
decisions. Now I discovered what
happened in our relationship when I cut Him out of the decision making
process. I broke His heart.
My worn out soul flinched, but then regrouped and grew
harder. I didn't care what He had to say
about it or how He felt. I already had
an idea of what Abba really wanted for me, and it was the last thing I wanted
to consider. So I dug in my heels and
intended not to budge.
Returning to the States in January I eventually found myself
in conversation with my hydrogeology professor, Dr. Joe Yelderman. We were discussing my plans following graduation. I shared with Dr. Joe how I hoped to join a
water relief organization as a missionary.
This particular professor is a true lover of Jesus and was immediately
supportive of my direction. He shared
with me that two of his former students had gone overseas to do the same type
of work, supplying villages with safe drinking water. Then the question I had been internally
dodging was posed. Had I considered
obtaining a master's degree in hydrogeology?
Both of these former students discovered that effectively helping people
obtain access to clean water meant they needed more of a knowledge base than
they had obtained in their bachelor courses.
I cringed inside.
Politely I replied that I had not yet considered this path
and that I hoped to get to the mission field within the next year or two. Dr. Joe then wisely advised me to contact the
organization that I wished to join to ask them what kind of course work I would
need to best help them, and concluded by encouraging me to pray about it before
making any decisions.
Ugh. I had
purposefully been avoiding praying about this subject. But Dr. Yelderman's words rang with
wisdom. What could it hurt to contact
Lifewater and ask them if my current course work gave me enough background to
help them with their mission overseas?
The next day I sent an email to Lifewater
International. Lifewater specializes in
training teams in developing nations how to provide clean water for villages
coupled with training in hygiene and sanitation. Proudly, I listed out geology course work
that I thought applicable and shared with them my heart to join their
work. The very next day I had received a
reply. They were thankful for my
interest: did I know how to choose a location for a well to be drilled? If not, would I please consider continuing
with my studies and obtaining a master's degree?
Wow. Nope. I had no idea how to set a well. I actually had never drilled one before. My arrogance and pride dissolved with the
realization that I really didn't know all that much, even after 5 years of
college.
"Abba, I guess I'm ready to talk about grad school. I am sorry I have refused to talk with You
about it up till now."
Oh, our God is so good!
He truly is kind, compassionate and quick to forgive! Suddenly the Lord was washing me with the
truth that He wanted to help me get through grad school and that He would teach
me wonderful things during my master's program.
He was excited for me! It wasn't
going to be as hard as the previous year.
And I was actually going to enjoy it!
Truly, my three years of graduate studies far surpassed my
undergraduate experience! And God used
the time to also draw me into the sweetest season I had experienced with Him up
to that point.
The eight years God had spoken to me about so clearly
freshman year turned out to be eight years of school to the month! My dreams, though resting on God’s shelf that
whole time, had grown into a beautiful future filled with more possibilities
than I could have imagined coming into Baylor.
And my relationship with the Lord was far deeper and sweeter than when I
had begun.
Would He now send me to the nations? Or did He have another
plan in mind? Either way, the lesson had
been learned and my soul knew that it could rest secure in the truth: His ways
are so good and obedience is always worth it!
